Index No. 030592
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&lives, laughs, loves

being at a supposedly young age of 15, once again i realise that i do not think like a 15 year old. watching dramas, somehow make me think of life. even though it's drama, and there's definitely elements of exaggeration in it, but doesn't drama just reflect real life? looking at how it is, drama has to be based on something to be thought of isn't it? i've just thought again, what if i do not live to even go to university? what if i find out that i have some illness that might not be able to be treated? what if i die in some accident before i can even take my Os? after all, i'm always shuttling between sick and healthy, and i have not seen a doctor for very long. it just makes me wonder, what if i do become a doctor? what if i do save so many lives? i don't like the word what if, but, what if i just die one day? i've been wondering a lot, how do people faint? i actually want to know how it feels like. it's a weird thing, but i believe, to really understand what patients are going through, you might actually have to go through something similar to it yourself to understand the situation they're in. think about it. when you face something that might have been caused because of you, naturally you'd feel extreme guilt inside of you even if you do not show it on the outside, and frankly, it really does not feel good. not at all.











我只是在想，如果有一天，我发现我有一种绝症之类的，你，身为我的朋友，会怎么做？但，再想想，我大概可能也不会告诉任何人吧。当然，我的家人大概都一定会知道的，但，我看我是不会告诉任何朋友。虽然说，朋友在世上就是为了朋友而生存，人与人之间，就是互相依靠与依赖，但，作为别人的朋友，也应该不会像要别人替你担心，不要在他们的麻烦上再加一个。知道了，他们也应该帮不上什么忙吧？也许我这种观念是错的，但如果我真的有病，我是一定不会告诉我朋友的。况且，我认为如果我真的有病，是上帝的安排吧，要我早一点与他见面，这也不是一件坏事啊，为一想做的，大概就是把剩下的日子过得最充实。我真希望如果那时，我身边有个伴儿，希望他不会伤心，要他继续活得充实。但，想起来，在那个时候，除了家人和朋友，我应该也不会有伴吧，哈哈。。。